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Shark News: Why the military needs mothers

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By Claire Brown
Shark Correspondent

 
It's been one month now that my other half, Tyler Beckham, has been stationed in Japan. (For those of you who are geographically challenged like I am, that's the opposite side of the world.) In dealing with the multiple hardships that dating someone who is an entire day ahead of you with little communication brings, I have come to a conclusion that I think will make day to day life much easier for those of us left at home. Ready for this?
The military needs mothers, and I don't mean back home; no, they need them on the ships, in the barracks, on the airplanes, wherever our men are located at least one mother needs to be on hand at all times. And I'm talking the full package, homemaking, apple pie-baking, all-American kind of mother, like Kitty from That 70's Show or Carol Brady from The Brady Bunch. Let me explain why.
First of all, mothers would ensure organization and timeliness in the military. No military man would miss the birth of his child, his wife's birthday, his wedding anniversary, mother's day, etc. The mothers would make sure that he arrived home a day early and she would even send a gift for the occasion, probably something homemade and delicious that she had whipped up in-between scheduling the guy's phone calls to home. (Tell me that doesn't sound great?) 
Speaking of phone calls... That brings me to my second reason for believing we need mothers in the military. A mother would know not only the schedule of the men but also the schedules of their families back home. Therefore, she would schedule a call time for all the men that corresponded with their families schedules. That means no more missing calls for us back home! (Yes!) If you've ever missed a call from someone special who is deployed then you understand when I say this, it's one of the worst feelings there are. Just imagine this: "Tyler, Claire is just now getting out of school, now would be the perfect time to call her!" or "Tyler, your mom will be heading home from work in about 30 minutes why don't you try calling her then?" (Perfect!)
Another advantage to having mom's in the military is that the wives and moms back home would worry a lot less about the little things. A mom would make sure everyone had a good-sized, home-cooked meal every day, she would make sure uniforms always got washed and folded, she would mend any flaws in the uniforms, she would make sure the men were always in good health and if she felt they were coming down with something she would give them the day off and make them chicken noodle soup. "No driving tanks for you today, mister; here, eat this pie!"
See, having a mom with our men in the military is a wonderful idea, possibly the best one I've ever had. It would be equivalent to having a personal assistant, seamstress, cook, doctor and caretaker all in one body! How can you argue with that?