Fishing Lines: Homespun fishing tips from Ol'Zed

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By Capt. Dennis Voyles

To my readers: I have a paper cut on my typing finger so I have asked my brother Zed to take my place this week.

Hay yall, my name is Zed an eye am Denz olter bruther an eye am gonna pinch hit fer him this weak. First y'all need tu kno a liddle bout me. My bruther wint on an got hisself won o them fansy shmansy colleg educashuns, but I didn need that much booklarnin sos I gregiated mysef frum school win I wus jus 17. Bruther Den didn't finish scool til he wuz twintyone. Heck I alreddy had five yeers of seenyority at the facttry buy the time I was that age! I hate too brag but I no a lot moor bout fishin then he duz.

Annyway, sum ov you hav seen me around, I got a ten foot red homemaid airbote with a sevenhunderd horspower jet injun on the back. Well maybe ya haint seen me kuz I wint by ya so fast! ! Ha Ha! Ya need a fast bote to git to the good spots bufor anybuddy else.

As far az takkle gose, I like tu yuze fitty pownd monnafilamint on a pin reeeel an a big ole sevinawt hook,so win I git a bite I kin krank em across the wader an get em in thu box. Git owt there, git yer limit o reds thin get bak home that's my fillosofee. My bruther yooses lion so thin I kin floss my tooth with it, hee saz it iz more sportslike. I say putwoee, that sportsfishin iz fir weenees. Reel fishermin yooses heavy line an big hooks. If thay don bite thin yu kin jus yank hard an snag em.

Fir trowt fishin I like too yoose sevin big ole hevey rods with a big ole wad o skwid on eech pole. that whey I kin ketch makrel an shark an bloofish an bigole katfish awl wif thu saim baits. Mossly katfish. Thim trowts ar way overratid anyway. Katfish pul harder an taists jus as good, speshally win pikled.

Now too ketch big ol stingarays lik the won what hurt that krokadile guy, ya jus nead to go tu thu fishouse an get a big tub of mullit innards an heads, go owt an siiiit on thu bakside ov a sanbar an get bizzy chummin. Purdy soon theyl be a pile of em rit long sideger bote. Chunk owt a kupple mullit heads on a twelf awt sirkle hook an soon yoo will be hooket up. Wonse ya git thu big raskal nekst to thu bote, whip owt yer thirdy awt sicks an give him thu hole klip. watts left ov him will be good an tinder.

Whoa...hear i yam givin away all o my sekrits...well, its okay. eyem jus tryin tu hep owt my bruther whilst he gits heelt up.

I reely injoyed ritin this hear artickle fir yall, good luk an wach owt fer my airbote called "greezed litenin" (hit will go allmost ninetee mile an ower!!! let them gaim wardins jus try an ketch me!!! Ha Ha!)

Sea ya, Zed